Sharing is Caring

Here’s how the conversation went:

Me: I think I could probably try crack just once and be ok.
Friend: Really?
Me: Well, I smoked pot a few times, and I really liked it, but I’m so cheap and lazy that I don’t really see me trying to go get some for myself.
Friend: So you’re saying that, as long as none of your friends just bring some crack over, you’d be ok trying it once?
Me: Yes.*

In high school, I used to joke that I would never smoke pot because I’m so laid back already, that introducing a substance into my body with the purpose of making myself even more relaxed would probably just turn me into a slug of sorts (it should be noted that the first time I did finally smoke, I immediately sought out a couch on which I enjoyed the remainder of a cake I had, and watched “Double Dare 2000”). Turns out, I don’t much mind being a slug.

The truth is, I don’t mind it at all. But, as a man in possession of two of the least attractive character traits one can have, cheapness and laziness, I’m too cheap and lazy to seek out this state of extreme cheapness (in mind) and laziness on my own. And though I might be denying myself the ability to enjoy something that I do enjoy, I’m also allowing myself the freedom from addiction. And, no, I don’t mean addiction in the scary, after-school-special sense of the word, because frankly I’m not that scared. I mean addiction in the sense of “I’d really love to (insert thing I’d really love to do), but I have to feed my addiction instead.” Frankly, I’m too lazy to bother feeding ANY addiction that requires more than biting my nails (which I would argue is more of a habit).

Of course, drugs are just the example I use in an effort to look cooler than I actually am. I am in fact not addicted to any of the following: drugs, alcohol, candy, TV, movies, video games, sports, exercise, comedy, beauty pageants, the Internet, model making, reading or blogging—though I do enjoy several of them. When it comes to addiction for me, I just need a couch—unless you’re offering.

Which really means you should feel free to come over any time, just as long as you share.

*This conversation was paraphrased and made particularly expository to spare you all the painstaking time it took for him to actually draw this conclusion.