Tatooine: A Post-Empire Economic Forecast

The Organa administration of the New Republic faces many economic challenges in the coming years as it attempts to repair the economic damage done by the recently-collapsed Galactic Empire of Emperor Palpatine. Despite being able to combine resource wealth from a wide range of planets, the Empire was rife with economic malfeasance: massive weapons systems (two planet-sized battlestations), military contracters (bounty hunters and payments to local militias to fight the Rebels) and high-priced consultants (Darth Vader, the Emperor's "fixer"). It remains true that the Empire made investments in territories under their control, but the vast majority of these funds went to planets in the Galactic Core, located near the Empire's capitol on Coruscant. Located in the Outer Rim, Tatooine was not the beneficiary of any of this government largesse; while some planets joined the Empire for the collective economic benefits, it is clear that this planet was one of the many who joined under duress from threat of invasion.

Here, I will examine the various problems and possible solutions for the desert planet of Tatooine. First, extraplanetary investment is necessary to revive the economy due to the lack of local capital and expertise. Second, bantha farming is due for a boom in coming years. Third, tariffs must be elminiated throughout the Republic in order to allow Tatooinese markets to become more competitive. If this three-part formula is followed, while it is unlikely that Tatooine will ever become a tourist mecca or major population center, it will be possible to significantly raise the standard of living here within a decade.

Let me begin by conveying some of the basics. Tatooine, as noted, is a desert planet located in the Outer Rim Territories. It is populated by three principle indigenous groups: humans & related humanoid bipeds, though most of the current population of this group are settlers from other planets; jawas, who possess technical expertise and carry on trade with other groups, but generally prefer to remain within their own enclaves; and finally, tuskens or sand people, nomadic peoples with a somewhat antagonistic relationship to the other two groups. Its official language is a local dialect of Basic, but anyone doing business on this planet would be well-advised to learn Huttese, the lingua franca of commerce here. Like most former members of the Galactic Empire, local currency has been phased out almost entirely and they deal in credits. However, bartering remains significant in day-to-day affairs.

The outlook for extraplanetary investment in coming years is relatively good. During the Empire years, not only was Tatooine neglected due to its location, it also was affected by xenophobia; it is well-known that non-humanoids rarely achieved positions of significant power in the Galactic hierarchy and planets with large non-humanoid populations were regularly discriminated against. The Organa administration, in contrast, promises a much better inter-species relationship. Going back even before the Empire, the principle players in this government have had friendly dealings with a wide range of non-humanoids: Gungans, Wookies, Ewoks, Mon Calamari and others. Luke Skywalker, brother to Madam President and a hero of the Rebellion, was raised on a moisture farm here. Captain Han Solo, allegedly Madam President's lover, is reputed to have done business on the planet many times in the past. (The exact details remain classified and the government has denied multiple requests to look further into the matter.) The only possible reason to worry on this front is the blantant cronyism behind the appointment of the new head of GEMA (Galactic Economic Management Association), Jar Jar Binks, who lacks any prior experience as an economist. Investors have in the past been scared off by frequent raids by tuskens, who have been known to attack outsiders without provocation. In any case, domestic industry on Tatooine is scarce and they simply do not have the resources required to fully develop their economy themselves. Extraplanetary investment will be absolutely necessary in order to accomplish any significant economic progress.

The most promising domestic industry on Tatooine is bantha farming. However, there are some problems of supply and infrastructure which must be confronted before they can proceed to exploit this resource. Banthas are primarily cultivated by the tuskens and attempts by outsiders to work with these reclusive peoples in order to develop greater stocks have thus far been unsuccessful. Jawas have made some progress in better relations with the tuskens, but tuskens tend to be fickle and not hold to their agreements. Thus, the supply is essentially static and will be unable to meet a rise in demand for the meat. Some enterprising pied noir moisture farmers have turned to raising bantha stocks in an industrial setting, but tusken organically-raised bantha meat is clearly preferred within the market. It is difficult to pinpoint the reason for this, but most sources indicate that older segments of the galactic population are wary of industrial agriculture bioengineering following the debacle of the Clone Wars. There are also reports of health risks from eating meat from banthas raised on a diet of blue milk, rather than their natural diet. As to infrastructure, Tatooine lacks airstrips to accommodate the larger cargo ships (generally, Mon Calamari Cruisers or Corellian Corvettes retrofitted with refrigeration units). Currently, smaller ships must ferry the meat from the ground to the ships in geosynchronous orbit around the planet but insurance costs act as an impediment to further development. (When it was revealed that the second Death Star was blown up due to a disruption of the shield system located on Endor, galactic insurance agencies mandated that policies would be required on the ship in orbit, the systems on the ground, as well as a third policy to cover them together.) Extraplanetary investment in new, larger airstrips as well as better relations with the tusken population would be a boon to Tatooine's economy.

Finally, the galactic economy must be "flattened" and tariffs eliminated in order that Outer Rim planets can compete on equal terms with planets in the Galactic Core. This is a long-term policy which does not relate solely to Tatooine, but here there are some problems to be confronted before it will be admitted into any future Galactic Free Trade Zone. Illegal activity continues to dominate the major commerce centers of Tatooine, Bestine and Mos Eisly, which largely resemble the military outposts in a desert wasteland that they began as. Even the death of Jabba the Hutt has not mitigated the black market on this planet; immediately following his demise, other unsavory creatures rushed to fill the power vacuum and there is significant evidence that the Hutts are once again exerting influence. While it is obviously preferable that the New Republic not prop-up corrupt regimes like the Hutts, Han Solo is rumored to have had business dealings with them in the past so perhaps some negotiations are possible. In time, the black market could be supplanted by legal commerce and the Hutts given some stake in the new system so that it will survive in the long-term. After all, Coruscant remains the capitol of government and in remote locations such as Tatooine, cooperation with local power brokers will be absolutely necessary in order to exert effective control. The Hutts are shrewd businessslugs and the correct combination of carrots and sticks could lead to them to recognize the benefits of cooperation with the Organa administration's policies.

In summation, the economic forecast for Tatooine looks good. If the planet remains an underdeveloped backwater, it will be because the New Republic has perpetuated the Empire's neglect.

Next: Have Ewoks Jumped the Shark?

Michelle Tanner is a Dick

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, or if I am venturing into new territory in the field of television studies, but I have discovered a trend in shows that have been on too long. It occurs in the final season, or seasons, of  most sitcoms and is a sure sign that everyone involved is ready to move on. Many people have written about shows "jumping the shark," but I am writing about what occurs after the shark has been jumped, when a network is just bleeding a show dry. 

Now there are many obvious things like fantasy episodes or dramatic departures of leading characters that point to the end of a network comedy, but there are two things that I've picked up on recently. 

1) Every single person in the cast is in almost every scene in every episode. There are very few individual character arcs because a) almost everything has been done with these characters in 7-9 years and b) every cast member wants plenty of screen time so that they're not forgotten before the show is even over. This is evident in later seasons of MASH, Full House, and now Scrubs. Even supporting characters like Radar(MASH) and Kimmy Gibler(Full House) manage to become as important as the main cast. 

2) Everyone becomes a vicious dick. Since, as stated above, most plots have been used up on the show, and almost every scene is populated with every character, many scenes are overstuffed with mean spirited zingers. I'm pretty sure every episode in the last season of Full House has 2-3 scenes where the Tanner family just makes fun of Kimmy Gibler and tells her she's a dumb bitch. I even think there was one scene where Michelle Tanner pricked her with an AIDS infected needle.*

So, we have shows that still manage to pull in ratings because of either nostalgia for seasons past or because people just want to see how it ends(although with most sitcoms everything ends with something similar to the status quo) and cast and crew on autopilot. This is the future I fear for some of my favorite shows like The Office and 30 Rock. A future of repeated jokes and unfunny dickery. I wish networks could focus on consistently making new quality shows rather than sucking the life out of every show that makes any money. Bascially, I wish Britain would take over Hollywood and make sure every show was screened by the Queen of England before it was allowed to air,  just like the BBC.***

*This may have been on OZ**

**Regardless of that, Michelle Tanner remains a dick. 

***Not sure that this actually happens, but I'd like to believe it does. And when the Queen doesn't like a show, she hits a button that drops the cast & crew into a pit of alligators. 

Can You Spot the Difference?

All dead people look the same. That’s not to say that all dead people are the same, or that all people die the same way, but they do all look the same. Every man or woman I’ve seen lying in a coffin has looked like a really pale person sleeping. What’s never the same however, is what each person does in death. What do I mean? For example, what they’re buried with. My grandfather was buried with a picture of the family. Other people are buried with jewels or in their favorite clothes. Or maybe a Wolverine comic, like my friend Jeff.

I found out Jeff died last Sunday, after I had seen “Iron Man.” It’s almost a perfect set-up—movie-like even. I couldn’t have written the irony if I tried. When Jeff and my brother were roommates, I would come over and Jeff and I would talk comics. And movies. And comic movies. And music…

Before you start to feel bad for me, you should know that Jeff and I weren’t close friends. He and my brother were, so I’ve got that angle. Jeff would also call me sometimes, or come over to my place so we could discuss music. We were both in bands. We’d try to trade shows, although he was much better at this than I was.

That’s another thing in Jeff’s coffin. His band was called Shell Shock, and he’s got a Shell Shock t-shirt with him. He was pretty passionate about his music. He was passionate about my music too. That’s why I care so much about him. Not because he was a fan, but because he was passionate.

I wasn’t the only one who thought so. That’s another difference about dead people: the people who come to pay their respects. What does it take to bring a grown, large, tattooed man to tears? Do I even need to say it?

I suppose there are a lot of differences between dead people. How they die might effect how they look; Religious statutes might dictate what one can be buried in; Unfortunately money might dictate certain aspects. There are a million differences we could probably come up with. There’s one glaring difference however that’s completely staring me in the face with Jeff’s death. When death comes a callin’, well, for some people it’s just their time. But others, conversely, are taken too soon. Jeff was taken too soon. That’s one hell of a difference.