Review: Baz Luhrmann's Australia

Dear Wolverine,

Why did you make this movie? And when did you take up acting? Were you possessed by the Shadow King? Or did Mastermind create an illusion that convinced you you were living the life of an Australian "cowboy"? Perhaps Spider-Man's foe, Mysterio, convinced you that you were this "Drover" character whose name was also his profession of cattle drover. Mesmero once convinced me that I was the proprietor of an erotic cake bakery. And I could understand wanting to believe the illusion. While I was an erotic cake baker in my mind, I was never happier. But why would you want to live in this illusion? I looked for any signs in your eyes that you were fighting, but you appeared to have given up. 

Please, we're all concerned for you, even Scott.* Come by the mansion and we shall get your mind all sorted out. 

Sincerely,

Professor Charles Francis Xavier

*Though he's still a dick

Will The World Change Today?

Today is Election Day. My political leanings are as transparent as a clean windshield: I’m liberal, and I’m voting Obama. No surprise there. It’s also not surprising that after a month of horror entertainment, I think the scariest thing of all would be a Palin administration.

Like most angsty, apathetic people, I didn’t care about politics until they got bad. I was raised by democratic parents, so by the time I became aware that there is a president, good ol’ Bill was in office, and I had nothing to worry about. In 2000, when Bush was elected, all I really knew was that if I could vote, I would have voted for Gore, but I couldn’t tell you why. That was my junior year of high school, and my US History teacher couldn’t have been happier that we were witnessing an historic undecided election, but this was history that, admittedly, I only cared about peripherally.

Sadly, it wasn’t until Bush did things I really disapproved of that I started caring: Invading Iraq on false pretenses, putting us into a ridiculous monetary deficit, violating most of our civil rights, citing his religion for decisions he makes—just to name a few. In 2004, I was able to vote in my first presidential election, and I proudly drove home and voted for that guy that wasn’t Bush. John Somethingorother.

Oh, that’s right, John Kerry. Obviously I knew that, but I don’t care. The fact of the matter is that I, and so many people that I know, simply voted for not Bush. And then Bush won, and continued to alienate me. Today, November 4, 2008, there’s so much talk about replacing Bush. For me, I’m happy to be able to vote for someone I actually believe in, rather than voting for the lesser of two evils. But the truth is, as I said before, that I didn’t care about politics until it got bad, and that just makes me wish I still didn’t have to care.

Will the world change today? It just might. But I can't help but think about how much better it would have been if it never reached the point where we needed it to.

Monday Night Raw: 800th Episode

I have been a wrestling fan most of my life. But midway through college I stopped giving a shit. My experiment, beginning tonight is to see if they can make me give a damn about their programming again. Tonight is Raw's 800th episode, and none of the shows I normally watch on Mondays are on, so I'm giving them another shot. Will they capture my attention again? Let's see.

8:17 - Just started watching. They seem to be showing "best of" stuff at the moment. Right now its "The Kid" vs Razor Ramon. Sean Waltman, X-Pac, 1-2-3 Kid has always kinda looked douchey. 

8:18 - Now its an 8 man battle royale for an intercontinental shot. And the current champ...an Italian with a unibrow and a mullet is walking out. I have no idea who anyone is onscreen. The unibrow guy's unibrow is painfully fake. His name is Santino apparently. 

8:20 - Oh wait, there's William Regal. He's no fun unless he's on the mic, though. And Ted Dibiase's son is in this match too. He needs a beard. And a manservant to count his money. I think Diabiase might win...but it will be a hollow victory without a beard, a manservant, and a suit with dollar signs on it. 

8:22 - William Regal wins it. He's got spooky bad guy music now. I miss his stuffy English music. When he was the "WWE Ambassador" character, waving like the Queen. Ooh. They're doing the old "someone's pulling up in a limo gag." It's Stephanie McMahon! OOOO! And Shane McMahon...ooooh!

8: 24 - Commercial Break. Based on the Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe commercial I just saw, I will not be buying that game. "We have come to challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" Lame. 

8: 28 - New Raw theme sucks. Another flashback. Vince buying WCW. Now Randy Orton's in the ring. Almost forgot he existed. Shane McMahon making a big entrance...I still like his entrance music. Everything is better with entrance music. Vince McMahon should handle elections in this country. 

8: 35 - Pretty bored. Bored bored bored. Checking email, checking various websites. 

8:41 - Obama saying "Do you smell what Barack is cookin?" with no conviction or energy at all. I wish he had The Rock working with him on interviews. Now they have a new Russian bad guy. What the fuck? Bret Hart music??? Ok...apparently Charlie Haas is Bret "The Hitman" Haas. He's doing the stolen gimmick bit that Big Show and others have done before. Lame. 

8:47 - USA's commercial for Inside Man just made it seem like a wacky comedy. Intriguing. 

8:50 - Jim Ross isn't announcing on Raw. Not right. Ugh. Now they've got Bautista. He sucks. WWE is a bunch of sucky sucks now. I don't know if I can make another 2 hours and 10 minutes. 

8:56 - DX is coming out. Don't really know if an anti-establishment angle works when you're the owner's son-in-law. Or when the other member is a born-again Christian. Triple H seems bored. "You can mock my kids, you can punch my wife in the face, but nobody mocks my chaps" - Shawn Michaels. You cannot mock chaps...especially when assless. They have made me chuckle, but this segment has gone on for 10 minutes now. 

9:14 - Experiment over. Not paying attention anymore. I'm bored, I do not give a shit. Sorry RAW, I'll give you a try again in a few years.