Pauly's Favorite Yuletide Entertainment

It's time for me to teach y'all about the Christmas spirit. Here's my syllabus of Christmas movies, television specials and episodes that will help you to learn the true meaning of Christmas. You might say, "Pauly, it's December 22nd! How can I possibly absorb all of this in such a short period of time and learn about Baby Jesus?" To that I say, Santa gets around the world in one night, so you can watch all this shit in 3 days.

Film:

Its a Wonderful Life
NBC used to play this right after the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Then they stopped for some reason. Bastards. Luckily I have this on DVD so I can watch this anytime, but I miss the structure. Don't let anyone say this film is outdated or too sappy. It's got some hilarious one liners and goddamn if it doesn't make me cry every time.

Die Hard
The later Die Hard films forgot what Die Hard was all about: Christmas. Who else has wished that their office holiday party would be taken over by a group of international terrorists that are actually pulling off an elaborate heist because of this film? This also features my second favorite Christmas song, "Christmas in Hollis." (First favorite: "Holly Jolly Christmas" by Snowman Burl Ives...only the Snowman puppet version, no live action Burl allowed!)

Bad Santa

So much credit is given to Billy Bob Thornton in this film, but not enough to Brett Kelly as "The Kid." The scene of him dutifully opening his advent calendar that has been filled with pills and candy corn? Amazing.

Scrooged

"What is it, Frank? It's a toaster!" WHACK! Tied with A Muppet Christmas Carol for best version of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol.

The Home Alone Series (1&2)

Kevin McCallister is a strategical genius, prepared for every possible outcome to every situation. And he's a little kid who loves Christmas. His family also apparently is part of some offshoot of Christianity that worships the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.(See Home Alone 2)

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Technically this film should be watched once at Halloween, once at Christmas, and once inbetween on Thanksgiving.

The Muppet Christmas Carol

Michael Caine is amazing as Scrooge. Probably the last great Muppet movie, and my favorite Christmas movie ever for a multitude of reasons.

Television:

"Chuck Versus Santa"
From Season 2 of Chuck. Worth viewing for the return of Sgt. Al Powell, Reginald Vel Johnson's character from Die Hard. Also, Chuck saves Christmas or something of the sort.

30 Rock
"Ludachristmas" Everyone tries to learn the true meaning of Christmas, then gets trashed. Also, Andy Richter guest stars. That's a reason to watch on its own.

A Very Sunny Christmas
While some may balk at paying $15 to $20 for what is essentially two episodes of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, its well worth it. You get "The Gang" at their most shameless, Charlie's mom getting gang banged, an appearance by Mac's dad, and a naked Danny DeVito.

Also, any sitcom produced by Miller-Boyet in the 1980s-90s or aired on TGIF has dozens of Christmas episodes worth watching. Like the Full House where the Tanner family gets stuck in an airport on Christmas, but luckily the real Santa shows up. (In fact, almost every show in the history of television has an episode where Santa shows up but he's believed to be a main character in a Santa suit until that character shows up after the real Santa has already left)

Anyway, just watch all these shows and movies in the next three days if you need a quick lesson about Yuletide cheer and goodwill towards men.