Review: "Twilight"

Let me begin by pointing out that I have not seen the film but I have seen a trailer, so I feel that this makes me qualified to make a review.

Let me also point out that upon seeing the trailer on Lifetime (during Golden Girls or Fraiser), someone pointed out to me that they believed it to be a Lifetime movie about vampires.

Also, let me point out that when I heard this, I watched the trailer a second time and found out that the male lead is from the Harry Potter series of films. Thus I am double qualified.

The film (trailer) begins as dramatically as one could hope a teenage vampire film (trailer) to begin. The use of fog around the school parking lot creates an ominous feeling, already putting me on the edge of my seat. Then they push the drama even further. That low hanging precipitation that earlier in the film (trailer) worried me, has its ground-bound cousin, the puddle, transforms a mini-van into a several ton deadly torpedo careening towards our leading lady and her dad’s sweet pickup truck. At this point the drama has me close to shitting myself. The director of the film (trailer) now uses some amazing fades to show the connection made between the leading lady and the male lead that stopped the mini-van… with his hand! All the fades can mean is that these two are truly in love.

The tension grows as he denies explaining that he’s a vampire. She points out that he’s pale, cold, and burns easily. When she mutters the word ‘vampire’ you can sense the sexual tension in both their loins ready to explode.

However, before he can hold his pale undead body against hers, the dude’s vampire friends show up and want to get a piece of the girl too, because vampires love orgies. But the male lead refuses, lots of fighting ensues and glowing blue font reveals the most important line of the film (trailer)… ‘Forever Begins Now.’ Holy shit, my mind is blown. This teenage vampire film (trailer) has show me that love has no boundaries and how now tosses out some Kant level philosophy all in less than two and a half minutes.

Overall it was pretty awesome. My only problem is that it seems kind of short, like maybe they cut some stuff out. I’m pretty sure the bad vampires lose, but I’m not exactly sure. Sequel?