What place does the media have in the zombie apocalypse?

When faced with the impending doom of mass death and destruction courtesy of nigh-unstoppable un-dead armies, one would hope that you could turn on your television and get useful information on stopping the zombie hoards at your door from your local newscast. However, in most cases, they only seem all too willing to help the government or corporation responsible to cover things up. 

We could go on for ages as for the why of this situation. Obviously the media is controlled by corporations, and if one of these companies is at least partly responsible for the death of millions, they're going to want to do some damage control. And if it's the government's fault, again, the media is more likely to roll over than to stand up and expose the situation. Despite the likely collapse of society and government, they still won't bet against the house. 

So, how do we make use of the media in such a situation? What good are they to us if they are going to lie, straight faced while we die? The trick is to look for the warning signs. They will never outright state that the dead are coming back to life to eat the flesh of the living. No, that's out of the question. Instead, you have to listen for rabies outbreaks, quarantines of buildings, neighborhoods or other public places, or most importantly, if Entertainment Tonight wishes a Happy Birthday to Bea Arthur on any day other than May 13th. Memorize that. If you hear Mary Hart wish a Happy Birthday to Bea Arthur on December 3rd, February 22nd, any date that is not the 13th of May, that means the zombie apocalypse is imminent. This is a code word for the media elite. It means that they have to get to their designated bunkers while look-alikes will replace them in the public eye. Now you can utilize their code as well. You won't be protected underground under 200 feet of concrete, but you'll have time to do the best you can in the situation.

Now, you may be wondering, what about the internet? Everyone's got a camera these days, won't the truth be exposed this way? Won't we be able to stop the zombie infection before it spreads? No. No we will not. It's like the boy who cried wolf times a million. The internet has given every douche out there a voice, therefore any attempts at telling any kind of "truth" can be discounted by the powers that be. There will be those that will listen, but it won't be enough to matter. 

What have we learned? That we can't trust mainstream media, and independent online media can't be relied upon to save the day either. So what can we do against the waves upon waves of the undead? If no one will believe it is happening or figure out how to effectively survive before it's too late, then what hope does anyone have? This expert zombiologist doesn't have these answers for you. I can only pose questions and hope you'll put some of this information towards your own survival.

Paul DeKams is an accredited Doctor* of Zombiology. He is sequestered away in his zombie proof compound somewhere on Long Island with enough food and bibles to get him through at least 3 zombie apocalypses...that is, if he goes easy on the bibles. 

* Witch Doctor & Scientific Doctor, to cover instances of zombies caused by the supernatural or science, respectively.