Review: Baz Luhrmann's Australia

Dear Wolverine,

Why did you make this movie? And when did you take up acting? Were you possessed by the Shadow King? Or did Mastermind create an illusion that convinced you you were living the life of an Australian "cowboy"? Perhaps Spider-Man's foe, Mysterio, convinced you that you were this "Drover" character whose name was also his profession of cattle drover. Mesmero once convinced me that I was the proprietor of an erotic cake bakery. And I could understand wanting to believe the illusion. While I was an erotic cake baker in my mind, I was never happier. But why would you want to live in this illusion? I looked for any signs in your eyes that you were fighting, but you appeared to have given up. 

Please, we're all concerned for you, even Scott.* Come by the mansion and we shall get your mind all sorted out. 

Sincerely,

Professor Charles Francis Xavier

*Though he's still a dick

Will The World Change Today?

Today is Election Day. My political leanings are as transparent as a clean windshield: I’m liberal, and I’m voting Obama. No surprise there. It’s also not surprising that after a month of horror entertainment, I think the scariest thing of all would be a Palin administration.

Like most angsty, apathetic people, I didn’t care about politics until they got bad. I was raised by democratic parents, so by the time I became aware that there is a president, good ol’ Bill was in office, and I had nothing to worry about. In 2000, when Bush was elected, all I really knew was that if I could vote, I would have voted for Gore, but I couldn’t tell you why. That was my junior year of high school, and my US History teacher couldn’t have been happier that we were witnessing an historic undecided election, but this was history that, admittedly, I only cared about peripherally.

Sadly, it wasn’t until Bush did things I really disapproved of that I started caring: Invading Iraq on false pretenses, putting us into a ridiculous monetary deficit, violating most of our civil rights, citing his religion for decisions he makes—just to name a few. In 2004, I was able to vote in my first presidential election, and I proudly drove home and voted for that guy that wasn’t Bush. John Somethingorother.

Oh, that’s right, John Kerry. Obviously I knew that, but I don’t care. The fact of the matter is that I, and so many people that I know, simply voted for not Bush. And then Bush won, and continued to alienate me. Today, November 4, 2008, there’s so much talk about replacing Bush. For me, I’m happy to be able to vote for someone I actually believe in, rather than voting for the lesser of two evils. But the truth is, as I said before, that I didn’t care about politics until it got bad, and that just makes me wish I still didn’t have to care.

Will the world change today? It just might. But I can't help but think about how much better it would have been if it never reached the point where we needed it to.

Monday Night Raw: 800th Episode

I have been a wrestling fan most of my life. But midway through college I stopped giving a shit. My experiment, beginning tonight is to see if they can make me give a damn about their programming again. Tonight is Raw's 800th episode, and none of the shows I normally watch on Mondays are on, so I'm giving them another shot. Will they capture my attention again? Let's see.

8:17 - Just started watching. They seem to be showing "best of" stuff at the moment. Right now its "The Kid" vs Razor Ramon. Sean Waltman, X-Pac, 1-2-3 Kid has always kinda looked douchey. 

8:18 - Now its an 8 man battle royale for an intercontinental shot. And the current champ...an Italian with a unibrow and a mullet is walking out. I have no idea who anyone is onscreen. The unibrow guy's unibrow is painfully fake. His name is Santino apparently. 

8:20 - Oh wait, there's William Regal. He's no fun unless he's on the mic, though. And Ted Dibiase's son is in this match too. He needs a beard. And a manservant to count his money. I think Diabiase might win...but it will be a hollow victory without a beard, a manservant, and a suit with dollar signs on it. 

8:22 - William Regal wins it. He's got spooky bad guy music now. I miss his stuffy English music. When he was the "WWE Ambassador" character, waving like the Queen. Ooh. They're doing the old "someone's pulling up in a limo gag." It's Stephanie McMahon! OOOO! And Shane McMahon...ooooh!

8: 24 - Commercial Break. Based on the Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe commercial I just saw, I will not be buying that game. "We have come to challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" Lame. 

8: 28 - New Raw theme sucks. Another flashback. Vince buying WCW. Now Randy Orton's in the ring. Almost forgot he existed. Shane McMahon making a big entrance...I still like his entrance music. Everything is better with entrance music. Vince McMahon should handle elections in this country. 

8: 35 - Pretty bored. Bored bored bored. Checking email, checking various websites. 

8:41 - Obama saying "Do you smell what Barack is cookin?" with no conviction or energy at all. I wish he had The Rock working with him on interviews. Now they have a new Russian bad guy. What the fuck? Bret Hart music??? Ok...apparently Charlie Haas is Bret "The Hitman" Haas. He's doing the stolen gimmick bit that Big Show and others have done before. Lame. 

8:47 - USA's commercial for Inside Man just made it seem like a wacky comedy. Intriguing. 

8:50 - Jim Ross isn't announcing on Raw. Not right. Ugh. Now they've got Bautista. He sucks. WWE is a bunch of sucky sucks now. I don't know if I can make another 2 hours and 10 minutes. 

8:56 - DX is coming out. Don't really know if an anti-establishment angle works when you're the owner's son-in-law. Or when the other member is a born-again Christian. Triple H seems bored. "You can mock my kids, you can punch my wife in the face, but nobody mocks my chaps" - Shawn Michaels. You cannot mock chaps...especially when assless. They have made me chuckle, but this segment has gone on for 10 minutes now. 

9:14 - Experiment over. Not paying attention anymore. I'm bored, I do not give a shit. Sorry RAW, I'll give you a try again in a few years.

Day 31: Shadow of a Doubt

"You go through your ordinary little day, and at night you sleep your untroubled ordinary little sleep, filled with peaceful stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares. Or did I? Or was it a silly, inexpert little lie? You live in a dream. You're a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? Do you know the world is a foul sty? Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you'd find swine? The world's a hell. What does it matter what happens in it?"
- Joseph Cotton as Uncle Charlie in Shadow of a Doubt

I find myself tired, and trying to find some spare time in my Halloween night, so I'll only leave you with the quote above, and the extreme recommendation, Halloween movie or not, make sure you see Shadow of a Doubt at least once in your life. It is one of Hitchock's best films and definitely one of my all time favorites. I'll go in-depth on this film at a later date, but for now, it shall simply be something that I recommend.

Day 30: The "Friday the Thirteenth" Series

Though not the original—I suppose that would be “Halloween”—the “Friday the Thirteenth” series is synonymous with “guy who can’t die in order to make more movies”…as if that’s something of which to be proud. Truth is, a lot of horror purists think it is, and frankly so do it. Should the thirteenth of a given month happen to land on a Friday, this previously innocuous* day now warrants horror of the highest level all thanks to a hockey mask and whatever’s convenient for killing someone at that moment.

What the layperson associates with the franchise—the hockey mask, machete, and “ch ch ch ah ah ah”—are rather frightening, but they’re not what the franchise is really rooted in. When the original “Friday the Thirteenth” was released in 1980, the murderer was a mystery, the killings rather simple, and the horror very real. Once revealed, we learned that the original “Jason” was simply the voice in a grieving mother’s head, as she sought revenge on those that had caused Jason’s death: the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake.

And thus we have the mythology of the character Jason that we all know so well. This brute who doesn’t feel pain, hides his face and is surprisingly crafty when in need of a death tool was once a young camper whose promiscuous and drug addicted counselors felt no need to keep track of—even when he was drowning. It’s really a case that any mother would want to take revenge on. What we’re all so afraid of however is when the boy himself takes over.

In the second installment of the franchise (well, really the last few minutes of the first), we’re introduced to Jason the specter, a ghoulish figure who, seeking revenge for his own death, will seek any means necessary to murder not only those responsible for his death, but anyone who takes up post as a counselor at Camp Crystal Lake, and in fact any late teen or twenty something that seeks his legend or spends a few hours or a night there.

The good news for those watching is not only the amount of nudity in the series used to demonstrate the promiscuity, but also the fantastic ways in which Jason kills: From his trusty machete, to drowning people, to trapping people in sleeping bags and smacking them up against trees, to conveniently finding the right weapon at the right time (see: a random vat of toxic waste in “Jason Takes Manhattan,” or a sink full of liquid nitrogen in “Jason X, Jason in Outer Space”). The beauty is that Jason can be killed each of these ways as well…he just doesn’t stay dead come the intro to the next movie.

Like any great horror franchise, there’s a drop-off in greatness the more movies that get made. In his 10 movie career (11 if you count “Freddy vs. Jason”), Jason has murdered in Manhattan, been defeated by some sort of telepath, gotten new mythologies, traded a burlap sack for his trademark hockey mask, had his heart eaten, and been to outer space (which happened after he “went to hell”). No franchise can sustain itself for 10 (or 11 movies) well, and “Friday the Thirteenth” is no different. But the beauty of the franchise isn’t its sustained quality, but it’s cultural affect. Halloween was scary before “Halloween,” and nightmares were frightening before they happened on Elm Street, but the thirteenth’s mainstream cause for terror was never the same after 1980.

*Maybe not historically, but certainly commonly.

Day 29: EDWARD SCISSORHANDS (1990)

With Tim Burton's second attempt to make a Frankenstein film, at this point in his career with a couple of successful films under his belt, the director re-interprets Frankenstein as a kid-friendly story with a slightly darker tone.

He does once again jettison the central conceit, which is, to refresh our memory, that men like Baron Frankenstein (or in this case, The Inventor played by Vincent Price) will be punished for transgressing against God or the Gods. In its place, Burton substitutes two different Ur-conflicts, man versus himself and man versus society. The Edward Scissorhands (Johnny Depp) of the title plays a central role in both.

On one level, the film explores The Inventor's battle with his own loneliness. While Frankenstein's attempt to create life was spurred on by pure hubris (or maniacal glee when played by Peter Cushing), here, the creature's erstwhile creator seeks only to complete himself. He desires only a companion and a son, someone to love and be loved by in return. Sadly, like many parents, he dies before he can see his child reach his full potential. It is a far more personal story, even if Burton only skims the surface.

On the other level, the film explores the conflict between the creature as an outsider and mainstream society. It is not mere coincidence that Edward resembles the typical Goth, or that the film takes place primarily in the suburbs, among the American ideal that this imperfect being can never fit in with. As Edward learns societal norms and acclimates himself more to the suburban lifestyle, the people in turn accept him more. Later, they turn on him sharply, never having learned to fully trust this outsider they believe absolutely in the first (false) rumor of his transgressions against one of their own. In the end, the creature is once again cast off by society and forced to live alone.

These two conflicts are subjects that Burton turns to in his films time after time. In so many ways, he wears his broken teenage heart on his sleeve when he directs.

There exists a certain fondness in my own heart for this film, which has resulted in my being awful lenient, complimentary even, towards Burton's departure from the classic Frankenstein story he draws upon for his narrative. There are a couple reasons for this.

First, most serious devotees of film will likely agree by this point that Burton's waters run only so deep. Thematically, his films trend strongly towards shallow ponds, albeit ponds with an inspired sense of design. (SWEENEY TODD (2008), for example, was a Frankenstein's monster-like abomination against Stephen Sondheim's work but was also the most beautifully shot film of the year. I look forward to seeing it in Blu-Ray.) One must accept his work for what it is, contradictorily both deeply personal but failing to provide any deeper truth.

Second, the film adheres to most of the window dressing of the James Whale films. Examples of this include the castle and the angry mob, though the rationale behind the mob is slightly different. Burton, despite his flaws, is gifted when it comes to borrowing elements from other sources and re-fashioning them as his own. Say what you will about PLANET OF THE APES (2001) but if someone had told you he would re-make that sci-fi classic, the final result was basically what you would expect--an homage or two, followed by a complete re-appropriation of the story in an insane direction.

This is without any doubt a film which belongs in the upper echelons of the Frankenstein canon. Although it is not very faithful to many of the core elements, it does manage to explore alternate themes in a highly satisfying way.

OVERALL: ****/5 and an oddly faithful adaptation of the Frankenstein myth.

Day 28: Robert Kirkman’s "The Walking Dead"

For more than eight volumes, Robert Kirkman has told the story of a band of survivors just trying to survive in his graphic novel series, “The Walking Dead.” Much like my colleague describes below in regards to George A. Romero’s movies, Kirkman succeeds in creating a world where the existence of zombies is simply the norm. But where Romero has the restraints of the MPAA, and the need to keep his movies at an R rating or less to make all of their money back, Kirkman has the freedom to take his characters, and the artists with whom he works, to almost uncharted territory in the zombie genre.

It’s true that there are only so many ways in which a zombie can devour a human, but put in the scenario that the living (as opposed to the undead) are in, the human mind seems be limitless in its possibilities to survive, and this is the territory that Kirkman treads on. And sometimes, he trespasses: killing babies, decapitating humans as bribes, fighting zombies as sport and torturing the living are just some of the devices that Kirkman’s characters employ, not just to survive, but to prove to each other that his or her life is more valuable than another’s.

“The Walking Dead” has been published monthly since 2003, and in these five years, it’s had ample time to develop its story. While early volumes certainly cast the undead as the villain, later volumes almost seldom have them making appearances, and often when they are in a scene, facing them is the preferred option to facing the other survivors. In fact, when later volumes feature killings by the zombies, those deaths almost seem like copouts.

While Kirkman hasn’t hinted that any ending is near, he’s running out of characters to kill. Perhaps upcoming volumes will return to the zombie-as-villain storyline, getting the remaining survivors out of their surrogate homes, and back on the run from the undead and the pathetically living. It might be a good turn since most of the protagonists’ character traits are almost exactly those of the other humans they’re fighting: selfish, dangerous, and mostly uncaring. But for the world in which they’re forced to live, maybe it’s not so far fetched to not have a “good guy”.

Three people that are scarier than zombies out of five.