Review: ZOMBIELAND

Zombieland is an incredibly fun zombie comedy, or "zom com" if you will. I had the opportunity to catch an advance screening this past Tuesday, and it was well worth the hour and a half wait in line.

First off, its worth noting that these are not zombies in the traditional sense. For one thing, they run. Yes, this has been done in other films, but there is a distinction made here. It's stated by the narrator that the virus that creates the zombies is an "advanced strain of Mad Cow disease that leaves victims with a swollen brain, insane, and with an intense hunger." Not once is it stated or shown in the film that anyone has risen from the dead. Therefore, we are dealing with infected people, not zombies in the Romero/Brooks sense.*

However, it must be said that in a real world situation, if one is faced with creatures that display most if not all characteristics of a monster in the popular culture lexicon, then you might name said creature after a popular monster. Thus, the infected in this film are referred to as zombies. This is actually a strength in Zombieland, in that the survivors have come to terms with their new world. By naming these creatures "zombies", they're actually establishing a sort of dominance over them, in the way that man has named all animals that he has found. Zombieland also stands out amongst other zombie/infected movies in that the "Zed word" is actually said.

This is also the first upbeat zombie film. While a comedy, like Shaun of the Dead, this film doesn't play with the same stakes. Its a bit more cartoony and doesn't have to deal with the issues of shooting your zombie mother, or leaving your best friend to die. Zombieland takes place after all of that. As I mentioned earlier, most of these characters have come to terms with the world they live in. They know that just about everyone else is dead. In the end, it celebrates the fact that these four characters have found each other, and maybe that's enough in their world.

* The risen dead that crave flesh although they have no scientific need for it, as defined by George A. Romero and Max Brooks. While straying from Romero/Brooks zombies may discourage, and even enrage my colleague in zombiology, Dr. Giacomo Kmet, I encourage him to check out this film.

Horror of Dracula/Dracula Has Risen From the Grave/Taste the Blood of Dracula/Dracula A.D. 1972

A year ago, things were much better for horror fans. Not all horror fans, mind you, but those who had cable providers that carried MONSTERS HD? They were living the sweet life*, brother.

Monsters HD gave you 24 hours, 7 days a week of uncensored, uncut, no commercial interruptions classic horror and sci-fi. Through this glorious channel, I caught up on some Friday the 13th, a little bit of Nightmare on Elm Street, and most importantly, I was exposed to the glory of the Hammer Horror films. Sadly, Monsters HD is no longer with us, so I now have to supply my own horror programming via DVD. It was so much easier when I could just turn to channel 777 and know that something great would be on, but oh well.

Anyway, craving some Christopher Lee/Peter Cushing showdowns, I picked up a DVD set from Amazon that features four of Hammer's Dracula films: Horror of Dracula, Dracula Has Risen From the Grave, Taste the Blood of Dracula, and Dracula A.D. 1972.

Chris reviewed Horror of Dracula last year, so I'll touch upon it briefly to note that it sets up a pattern that these other films follow: Someone wrongs Dracula, Dracula pursues his revenge, Dracula achieves reasonable revenge but wants more, Dracula gets taken the fuck out. This is the cycle that repeats itself just about every time and Dracula never learns. In fact, he almost never seems to remember that any of this has happened before. He just wakes up pissed off, seduces some broads, offs some stuffy old guy, then meets his end by the hand of the handsome young fiancee.(Or Van Helsing, who is rather spry in their first battle in Horror of Dracula. Check out the scene where he jumps and pulls down the curtains.)

Lee's Dracula isn't particularly charming. He can hypnotize the ladies, but isn't interested in the vampire stable of hoes like most Draculas. Again, there is a pattern. He usually will get a brunette or redhead and then a blonde. He quickly uses and murders the brunette/redhead because the blonde is his ultimate goal. The only other Dracula that gets this close to monogamy is Gary Oldman in Coppola's Dracula, but that is a deep Dracula. This Dracula is just trying to get into the blonde's panties for revenge, usually against some old guy who looked at him the wrong way.

When taking his revenge, he's a bit of a dick, and when attacked, he's a red-eyed wild animal. This is a Dracula who in almost every final battle, throws shit. He throws shit. He goes from Dracula to the Hulk the first second shit don't go his way.

I haven't seen all of the Hammer Dracula films, but I'd like to know how he got so focused on the constant revenge seeking. The next time he comes back, he needs some time to reflect, cause Christopher Lee's Dracula is one miserable fuck.

* As in things were good, sweet life, not "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" sweet life.

31 + Days of Halloween Starting this weekend!

Wow...been awhile since any of us have posted on here.

Well, to jump start things, I issue a challenge to my 822 colleagues to create content almost every day for the next month or so in celebration of one of our favorite holidays, Halloween!

I mean, if the stores can have Halloween costumes out in August, why can't we start blogging about it a little early?

So, starting this weekend, I'll pop in some Halloween movies and have my take on them by Sunday.

Glove slap, 822. Let's write about some vampires, zombies, slashers, and Dr. Freudstein.

Day 31: Shadow of a Doubt

"You go through your ordinary little day, and at night you sleep your untroubled ordinary little sleep, filled with peaceful stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares. Or did I? Or was it a silly, inexpert little lie? You live in a dream. You're a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? Do you know the world is a foul sty? Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you'd find swine? The world's a hell. What does it matter what happens in it?"
- Joseph Cotton as Uncle Charlie in Shadow of a Doubt

I find myself tired, and trying to find some spare time in my Halloween night, so I'll only leave you with the quote above, and the extreme recommendation, Halloween movie or not, make sure you see Shadow of a Doubt at least once in your life. It is one of Hitchock's best films and definitely one of my all time favorites. I'll go in-depth on this film at a later date, but for now, it shall simply be something that I recommend.

Day 30: The "Friday the Thirteenth" Series

Though not the original—I suppose that would be “Halloween”—the “Friday the Thirteenth” series is synonymous with “guy who can’t die in order to make more movies”…as if that’s something of which to be proud. Truth is, a lot of horror purists think it is, and frankly so do it. Should the thirteenth of a given month happen to land on a Friday, this previously innocuous* day now warrants horror of the highest level all thanks to a hockey mask and whatever’s convenient for killing someone at that moment.

What the layperson associates with the franchise—the hockey mask, machete, and “ch ch ch ah ah ah”—are rather frightening, but they’re not what the franchise is really rooted in. When the original “Friday the Thirteenth” was released in 1980, the murderer was a mystery, the killings rather simple, and the horror very real. Once revealed, we learned that the original “Jason” was simply the voice in a grieving mother’s head, as she sought revenge on those that had caused Jason’s death: the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake.

And thus we have the mythology of the character Jason that we all know so well. This brute who doesn’t feel pain, hides his face and is surprisingly crafty when in need of a death tool was once a young camper whose promiscuous and drug addicted counselors felt no need to keep track of—even when he was drowning. It’s really a case that any mother would want to take revenge on. What we’re all so afraid of however is when the boy himself takes over.

In the second installment of the franchise (well, really the last few minutes of the first), we’re introduced to Jason the specter, a ghoulish figure who, seeking revenge for his own death, will seek any means necessary to murder not only those responsible for his death, but anyone who takes up post as a counselor at Camp Crystal Lake, and in fact any late teen or twenty something that seeks his legend or spends a few hours or a night there.

The good news for those watching is not only the amount of nudity in the series used to demonstrate the promiscuity, but also the fantastic ways in which Jason kills: From his trusty machete, to drowning people, to trapping people in sleeping bags and smacking them up against trees, to conveniently finding the right weapon at the right time (see: a random vat of toxic waste in “Jason Takes Manhattan,” or a sink full of liquid nitrogen in “Jason X, Jason in Outer Space”). The beauty is that Jason can be killed each of these ways as well…he just doesn’t stay dead come the intro to the next movie.

Like any great horror franchise, there’s a drop-off in greatness the more movies that get made. In his 10 movie career (11 if you count “Freddy vs. Jason”), Jason has murdered in Manhattan, been defeated by some sort of telepath, gotten new mythologies, traded a burlap sack for his trademark hockey mask, had his heart eaten, and been to outer space (which happened after he “went to hell”). No franchise can sustain itself for 10 (or 11 movies) well, and “Friday the Thirteenth” is no different. But the beauty of the franchise isn’t its sustained quality, but it’s cultural affect. Halloween was scary before “Halloween,” and nightmares were frightening before they happened on Elm Street, but the thirteenth’s mainstream cause for terror was never the same after 1980.

*Maybe not historically, but certainly commonly.

Day 28: Robert Kirkman’s "The Walking Dead"

For more than eight volumes, Robert Kirkman has told the story of a band of survivors just trying to survive in his graphic novel series, “The Walking Dead.” Much like my colleague describes below in regards to George A. Romero’s movies, Kirkman succeeds in creating a world where the existence of zombies is simply the norm. But where Romero has the restraints of the MPAA, and the need to keep his movies at an R rating or less to make all of their money back, Kirkman has the freedom to take his characters, and the artists with whom he works, to almost uncharted territory in the zombie genre.

It’s true that there are only so many ways in which a zombie can devour a human, but put in the scenario that the living (as opposed to the undead) are in, the human mind seems be limitless in its possibilities to survive, and this is the territory that Kirkman treads on. And sometimes, he trespasses: killing babies, decapitating humans as bribes, fighting zombies as sport and torturing the living are just some of the devices that Kirkman’s characters employ, not just to survive, but to prove to each other that his or her life is more valuable than another’s.

“The Walking Dead” has been published monthly since 2003, and in these five years, it’s had ample time to develop its story. While early volumes certainly cast the undead as the villain, later volumes almost seldom have them making appearances, and often when they are in a scene, facing them is the preferred option to facing the other survivors. In fact, when later volumes feature killings by the zombies, those deaths almost seem like copouts.

While Kirkman hasn’t hinted that any ending is near, he’s running out of characters to kill. Perhaps upcoming volumes will return to the zombie-as-villain storyline, getting the remaining survivors out of their surrogate homes, and back on the run from the undead and the pathetically living. It might be a good turn since most of the protagonists’ character traits are almost exactly those of the other humans they’re fighting: selfish, dangerous, and mostly uncaring. But for the world in which they’re forced to live, maybe it’s not so far fetched to not have a “good guy”.

Three people that are scarier than zombies out of five.

Day 27: Night, Dawn, Day, Land, & Diary of the Dead

It is more than likely that until the day he dies, George Romero will make zombie movies that point out the ills of society. He might even continue after that, because it seems that the same problems he's been pointing out over the years: racism, classism, and consumerism among other themes.

The thing about Romero's Dead series is that the zombies aren't the bad guys. They are simply part of that world. They may not seem like anything natural, but they represent two things that are very natural, human nature and death. The walking dead can almost be considered innocent when their actions are compared to those of the survivors. The zombies are driven by one thing, the need to feast on living flesh. There is some base version of survival in their instinct. They may not need living flesh to survive, they're going to rot and decompose either way, but there is a purity in their single-mindedness.

No, the true villains of these films are those in humanity who seek more than survival in the end of the world. They come in the form of a lynch mob-like group of hillbillies in the end of Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, as well as marauding bikers in Dawn, and they are the remnants of the military-industrial complex in Day, Land and Diary of the Dead.

It's not to say that the zombies are "good guys." They simply are. Romero always presents a group of human survivors that are simply trying to live, to carry on with some sort of life as the good guys. And they inevitably come into conflict with the dregs of humanity that have survived, ultimately leading to the destruction of whatever society they have tried to restore, leaving even less people to carry on. There is never any action on the part of the zombies, they are only able to feed when the good guys and bad guys collide. In other words, humanity always brings death and destruction upon itself because it can't move past things as petty as race, religion, or material wealth.

Romero has shown us these images again and again, and in Diary of the Dead he shows how ineffective it is to simply watch these events unfold. It takes action to survive and build a better society. We can't beat death, but we can defeat those who selfishly put themselves above the greater good. It just seems that we are stuck in a pattern of watching instead of doing.

Day 22: The Cinematic Legend of I AM LEGEND

Since Richard Matheson's I Am Legend was published in 1954, there have been three attempts at adapting the novel: The Last Man on Earth starring Vincent Price in 1964, The Omega Man starring Charlton Heston in 1971, and I Am Legend starring Will Smith in 2007. The most interesting thing about these films is how The Last Man on Earth and I Am Legend serve as bookends to the zombie genre. I'll mostly be ignoring The Omega Man, as it is the most divergent from the novel, and doesn't serve any real purpose in this essay.

Matheson's novel is a deconstruction of the vampire. The vampires that come about as a result of a global virus have symptoms associated with vampirism, yet Robert Neville surmises that many of these are psychological. The way they act is based on how they think a vampire should act. Belief has to do with their weaknesses as well, as in the case of Neville's former colleague, Ben Cortman, a cross has no effect on him, but the Jewish Torah does. These vampires are also slow moving and slow-witted, not the cunning, sexy vampires of Stoker or portrayed by Lugosi. 

While the deconstructed vampire isn't carried over into The Last Man on Earth, the de-evolved one is. They are slow, stupid, and single minded in pursuit of Neville. They are drawn to him not only because he is food, but because he represents a tie to the world that used to be. This film takes the vampire away from the role of the other and reminds us that he is us. There's no allure here for living past death. It is something the mind can't handle and it brings humanity down to its very worst. This film is cited as an inspiration for the modern zombie, for the "Romero" zombie, which I'll touch on a bit more tomorrow. For now, its important to note that rather than revolutionize the vampire genre, the zombie genre was birthed instead.

Cut to 40 years later, and another adaptation of I Am Legend which has more influences in recent zombie films than it does in the book or in vampire lore. The "dark seekers" in the film, are an amalgamation of running zombies and Bat Boy from the Weekly World News. They're sensitive to sunlight, burning but not incinerating, and can be killed with bullets or whatever else is lying around. They are strong, they are fast, and they are all exactly the same. There is very little definition to these creature in design and in behavior. The seekers are supposed to have a leader creature, but its hard to tell when they all have the same features and the same tattered clothing. And for the most part, there is no effort to show that these creatures are us. 

As I said, there is almost no effort to show any humanity in the "dark seekers." However, there are little touches here and there, and there is an alternate cut. The leader shows affection for the female seeker that Neville captures in both cuts of the film. The leader also sets a trap for Neville, copying the same trap that Neville caught his mate with. These elements are in both cuts of the film, yet in the theatrical cut they are ignored by Neville, without any indication that this is willful ignorance. It just seems to be glossed over. They've been stripped of their humanity so that Smith's Neville can retain his, so that in spite of any evidence to the contrary, he remains the hero.

Here's where I briefly bring in Mr. Heston's film. Both the Omega Man and I Am Legend succeed when their leading man is left alone. But once the monsters and other survivors are introduced, the filmmakers chose to put everything into stark black and white. The grey areas of the first film and the novel are ignored. They don't allow any humanity in their monsters nor do they allow any monster in their heroes. Each sacrifices themselves for "the greater good" of the remnants of humanity rather than accept the reality of Price's film and Matheson's book, that humanity is dead, and Robert Neville, the last man,  is nothing more than a legend. 

Day 18: MST3K: Manos: The Hands of Fate

This picture says all I need to say.

This movie is great.

This character, Torgo(pictured above) is great. 

5 Torgo theme musics out of 5 Torgo theme musics

P.S. Never see this movie on its own. Only watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVD that its on. 

Day 17: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction

Unlike most zombie fans, I was not brought into the genre by George Romero. My zombie love started in 8th grade when I picked up a game called Resident Evil 2. It had everything: an evil corporation, a corrupt pedophile mayor, lots of crazy weapons, and most importantly, a city under siege by zombies and other biological monstrosities. This was my first real exposure to the walking dead and I was hooked. 

In 1998 when the game came out, there was a contest to win a walk on role in a Resident Evil movie. The first draft was worked on by none other than George Romero, of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead,  and Day of the Dead fame. I didn't know his films, but I knew his reputation. I figured if it was safe in anyone's hands it was him. Unfortunately, the powers that be didn't see it that way, and he was removed from the project for his script being "too close to the game." That is the biggest problem with video game and comic book movie adaptations. For some reason, the source material is almost always completely disregarded. 

The first Resident Evil  film is a very loose adaptation of the game. All it pretty much has in common is the setting, the villain: The Umbrella Corporation, and the cause of the zombies: the T-Virus. The T-Virus, in both game and film, was designed to reanimate dead cells, and was intended for use as a bio weapon. They unleash it in a city, let the residents kill each other. That's essentially what happens in the sequel, Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Now while Apocalypse does fall in line a little closer with the plots of the games Resident Evil 2 & 3, it still only incorporates a few of the characters, in minor roles. No, the biggest departure in all the films is the character of Alice, played by Milla Jovavich. Alice evolves from a normal ass kicking, zombie killing rebel against the Umbrella Corporation in the first film, to a rebellious super powered bio weapon in the second and third films. 

That's right, whereas in the games, you were a normal cop against undead hordes, in the movies, the heroine has super fast reflexes and...wait for it...telekenisis. It comes out of nowhere at the end of the second film, when Alice delivers an aneurism to a guard monitoring her. It is a true "What the Fuck?" moment. In fact, the first two films, are filled with "What the Fuck?" moments which are really jarring and keep me from fully enjoying them. 

However, when we get to the third film in the series, Extinction, that is where they embrace "What the Fuck?" They take all the best ideas from Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead(2004) like mad scientists who think they can domesticate the zombies, and convoys of armored vehicles and unleash them in a bleak, post-apocalyptic, Western America. There are hillbillies who get their kicks making people fight zombie dogs, there are zombie crows, and best of all, there are zombies unleashed by the Umbrella Corporation in matching jumpsuits. That means that some poor fuck has the job of not only corralling the zombies, but dressing them too. And these aren't just any old zombies, these are essentially zombies that have been shot up with meth. And they fuck shit up.

That is where Extinction truly succeeds. It breaks through the mediocrity of the first two films by really just fucking shit up. Not only did they amp up the action, but they also brought up the credibility of the film by incorporating some Romero-esque themes: Playing God, Everyone in Authority is an Asshole, etc. They raised the stakes by putting their characters in a world where the living are the minority, their only hope a pipe dream of an uninfected town in Alaska. Its the first film where the characters are doing more than simply trying to survive, they're struggling to want to survive. And they're not just up against zombies, but the remnants of a corporation still trying to keep its grip on a dead planet. 

Resident Evil: 2 braiiins out of 5 braiiins

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: 3 braiiins out of 5 braiins

Resident Evil: Extinction: 4 braiins out of 5 braiins

Extinction also gets a bonus 1/2 braiiins for its ending which sets up another film: Hundreds of super-powered Alice clones vs the remnants of the Umbrella Corporation and all the zombies left on the world. If it follows the pattern so far, the next one will be even better than the last.

Day 14: Slither

Or What's the deal with horror audiences?

An important thing for me in a horror movie is the presence of humor, a balance and compliment to the gore and scariness. The worst thing the horror genre can do is to take itself too seriously. Yet the main audience for horror, douchey teens, isn't looking for that. They want whatever has one or two of the latest teen stars, probably from High School Musical or Gossip Girl, its usually a slasher film, nothing supernatural, and will probably be rated PG-13. That is the kind of horror movie that makes money these days.* And I don't understand why, when people like James Gunn are putting out quality films like Slither. 

A brief disclaimer, this is more a "here are things that are great about this" than an actual review. 

Slither is a love letter to the films of John Carpenter, Fred Dekker, and most of the brand of horror that came out in the late 70's into the 80's. The mayor is named Jack MacReady after Kurt Russell's character in The Thing. The worms of extraterrestrial origin that "slither" into peoples bodies turning them into zombies of sorts is reminiscent of Dekker's Night of the Creeps, and the humor in the film has its inspiration in both these directors as well as Lloyd Kaufman, founder of Troma. 

The plot is this, a meteor crashes to earth, unleashing some small gelatinous creature, which stings local pervy old guy, Grant Grant. He is then taken over by the creature and its need to procreate. He kidnaps a young woman, feeds her raw meat and she explodes sending out little worm things that take over people with the alien consciousness resulting in them becoming hive mind zombie type creatures. Eventually, it comes down to police chief Bill Pardy; Starla Grant, Grant Grant's wife and Pardy's unrequited love; and a hot teenage girl; to stop Grant/alien monster from taking over the world. 

Nathan Fillion of Firefly and Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place fame, plays police chief Bill Pardy. Like his role as Captain Mal Reynolds on Firefly, Fillion, as Pardy, is someone who's a good mixture of badass and goofball. Much like Harrison Ford when he's on his game. Michael Rooker, as Grant Grant, brings a good mix of the funny and the creepy as well. Never again will I hear someone say "meat" without thinking of him saying "MEAT." And Gregg Henry as the mayor hilariously curses his whole way through the movie. He says "Fuck" enough times to earn the R rating without any of the guts. 

Also great is the song "Baby I Love You" by the Yayhoos which plays over the credits. Download it right away, it's awesome.

Now, while I do believe Slither to be worth 5 out of 5 hive mind zombie creatures, I will subtract half a zombie creature for its lack of nudity. If you're getting an R rating anyway, you might as well throw in some sweet boobs.**

*I know Saw has been successful, but I haven't bothered to see any of those films, thus it is irrelevant to me.

** Pronounced "sweet bewbs" as per the 6th graders on South Park

4 1/2 out of 5 hive mind zombie creatures  

Day 8: THIS Boy's Life - An American Psycho...review - Guest Review by Giacomo Kmet

I'm not sure how this piece will turn out. I'm not sure it will be a conventional review, as I do not remember how to do one; plus, everyone should have seen this movie already. And if you haven't, kill yourself. Or you can show me your tastefully thick business card, and I'll do it for you.

I remember when American Psycho first came out. It was in 2000 and I was still a sophomore in high school; under the age limit for an R movie. As un-law abiding as I was (and am) at times, I never snuck into an R movie while underage. I remember the commercial - combining blood, screaming, and Huey Lewis and the News, in the most spectacular way. I was immediately enthralled. I wanted to see it in the worst way...and I never did. Like most High Schoolers, I must have immediately moved on once the next "big thing" distracted me.

Flash forward two years, and I was in Blockbuster with Anna. We had just started going out...I think. But I remember stopping in front of a side display and seeing American Psycho - ON VHS! - a movie I had completely forgot about since I had seen the commercial. I pointed it out to Anna, clearly excited (me, not her) - and I told her I had never seen the movie. Despite our short time together, she was confused as to why I had not, and semi-excitedly told me to get it (MISTAKE). I watched it alone a few days later, on some shitty old television, with my shitty VCR. I was, contrary to what you may believe, less than impressed. I liked the movie, but it wasn't what I expected. The movie, as I have come to appreciate, is much more Black Comedy than Horror or Thriller, or in whatever category you would fit a movie about a rich 80's Wall Street VP, who is possibly delusional, possibly murdering colleagues and hookers, at an alarming rate, in a brutal and explicit manner.

American Psycho was one of the first DVDs I received for Christmas, when I first got a Sony PlayStation 2 (didn't have a DVD player at the time). I used to watch it while writing creative writing stories in High School (which were not about murder - I didn't want to get sent to that weirdo guidance counselor). I read the book - highlighting the best parts. In retrospect - I realize I should have highlighted with different colors, different parts of the book. : pink for the sexual passages, blue for Patty Winters Show references (don't get me started on how much time I must have wasted trying to find out if that show actually existed and if i could get copies), classic Yellow for the murder. I suppose I could purchase another copy, but to get the broken in feeling, I'd need to read the book another 10 times.

College is the place where I watched the bulk of my viewings of American Psycho - and where I grew to appreciate it the most. It's what I believe help me make some friends (along with WWF/WWE, and ridiculous movies). American Psycho Wednesdays. Ah, a simpler time in my life. Every Wednesday in October - we, or I if alone, would watch American Psycho, possibly multiple times, while drinking bourbon mixed with cranberry juice (cran-apple), and a lime (I can always get you a lime). I believe I'm up to 75 viewings thanks to college- I'll need to check the log to be sure. Yes, around the 30th viewing, I started writing down the times. My room in New Jersey is a disturbing shrine to American Psycho: The advance poster (No Introduction Necessary), the US one sheet (Killer Looks), both Japanese mini movie posters (chirashi), a small reproduction of the German movie poster, 2 small copies of the Australian poster (it's double sided), a self made meat-bone filled in NYtimes crossword with blood and hair stains, a commissioned artwork of the original book cover (thanks Pauly!), the 7" Bateman figure, the 18" motion activated talking Bateman figure, and, if not mistaken, 6 copies of the dvd including the original unrated edition, the killer collector's edition, the Canadian edition, the original R rated edition, the UK edition, and the German edition...and the original VHS that started it all.

I love American Psycho. It introduced me to Christian Bale. It cemented my hatred for Jared Leto. At one time, I, and my college friends, could recite nearly the entire movie from memory. As insane as my purchasing in related paraphernalia has been - the movie reminds me of different times in my life. That first VHS with Anna; all those wonderful times on American Psycho Wednesdays; all those American Psycho themed artworks (Chris's rendition of himself as Bateman with a chainsaw in front of his crotch; Titan-American Psycho; Pauly's wonderful painting)...I could go on and on, but this is already getting too long. To close - this may not have been a review of the movie - but it is nothing short of a glowing recommendation, and a glimpse at what a movie can mean to someone - even a black comedy/horror-thriller.

If you have never seen American Psycho, this confession has meant nothing. American Psycho (Univeral 2000) (motion picture).

5 drawings of a watermelon out of 5

Day 7: Creepshow 2

Like many of the movies I'll be tackling over the next month, Creepshow 2 is a wonderful movie that I found for five dollars. Buying a movie blind for five dollars is much more fun than stopping to watch a movie on cable. It's very low risk gambling. Yeah, you're out five bucks if it sucks, but its only five bucks. And if it's awesome, then, well, you only paid five bucks for it! Creepshow 2 kinda falls in the middle though. I'm happy with about two dollars and sixty eight cents of my purchase.

I still haven't seen the first Creepshow, but I've been aware of both movies for awhile, mostly because I knew George Romero and Stephen King were involved. They were writers and producers in the case of the sequel, though in the end, I saw a little bit more Romero than King in the film. Mostly in the villains of the stories, in that they have little to no redeeming qualities, as it is in Romero's Dead films. His bad guys are usually cartoonishly bad, and that touch is really evident in Creepshow 2 in the characters of "Fat Stuff," "Horny Teen 1," "Horny Teen 2," and "Rich Lady."

The main reason I'm pretty "meh" on Creepshow 2 is the pacing. Each of the three stories is paced as if part of an individual television show, not as a part of a whole. The slow pace pretty much only works in the case of the first story, which involves a slow and sleepy small town, wherein a wooden Indian takes revenge for the murders of elderly shopkeepers. The second takes forever to get to the murders of horny teens by pollution and the third involves a rich woman who runs over a hitchhiker who won't die. I was pretty much done watching the movie and reading a book about halfway through. I stopped giving a shit after the third line from the whiny teen interrupted the horny teens from getting it on.

Plus, none of these stories captured my attention as much as an episode of Tales from the Crypt. Creepshow 2 seemed to be lacking the energy, and real wicked sense of humor that was present in all the Tales from the Crypt episodes I've seen. Both are working from or inspired by the same source material, the horror comics of the 1950's, but Creepshow 2 didn't seem to pull it off as well. 

$2.68 out of $5.00

Day Three: Fringe (FOX, Tuesdays, 9PM)

Ok, so it’s not a movie; but Fox’s new science fiction show from JJ Abrams of (most recently) Lost and Cloverfield fame can get your heartbeat raised as much as anything else worth viewing during the Halloween season, and frankly, most of it is just as—if not more—jarring.

The basic premise of Fringe is the following: Specific sector of FBI is dedicated to investigating peculiar happenings—often referred to as “The Pattern”—with the help of a crazy old genius, and his son who seems to only be involved because his father is so crazy that he’s in his son’s custody. There’s also a lot of evidence that most of “The Pattern” is a result of experiments the old genius did decades ago in his Harvard-based lab, where he shared space with another genius who, instead of going crazy, patented most of his ideas and is now a rich genius. I never got into the X-Files, though evidence is strong that if I started watching it now, I would enjoy it. Having said that Fringe seems to be a lot like the X-Files, but instead of aliens, science is the cause of the weirdness.

And make no mistake: things are very, very weird. Spooky even. Like most shows, each episode of Fringe begins with some sort of catalyst, followed by the opening theme. Fringe’s opening theme is bright and happy, accompanied with bizarre images. It’s a great sensory piece that offers conflict: I hear happy, I see crazy. Isn’t that what Halloween is? What makes us happier than being able to escape reality—even if we’re escaping somewhere that we eventually realize we don’t want to be (when it's finally too late)?

Every episode thus far (four have aired since mid-September) has featured some escape from reality that we’d all hate to be experiencing, yet the world in which it takes place is very much our own. If the psychosis of that isn’t “Halloween enough” for you, consider that peoples’ faces melt, others get trapped like “mosquitoes in amber,” bizarre men read other peoples’ thoughts, serial killers eat flesh, and those you thought you could trust turn out to be the exact people you can’t.

It might not be a movie, but for an hour each week, Fringe succeeds in bringing out the most frightening of October thoughts.

Score: 4 out of 5 murderous experiments.

31 Days of Halloween Movies: John Carpenter's THE FOG

Today begins a 31 day journey through Halloween movies here at the 822 Writing Company. I say Halloween Movies rather than horror movies, because to say that horror movies are the only appropriate films to view around Halloween would be incorrect. Some movies like They Live or The Thing fall a little bit more on the sci-fi side than the horror and the works of Alfred Hitchcock are more in the category of thriller, yet all are very appropriate to watch around Halloween. These are the movies that evoke the feeling of Halloween for us here at 822, so won't you join us as we share some of our favorites with you?

It's no coincidence that I name dropped two John Carpenter films in the above paragraph. For making those two films, along with Escape From New York, Big Trouble in Little China, and Halloween he is one of my favorite directors. My love of these films doesn't come out of any nostalgia, aside from Halloween and They Live I hadn't seen any of these films until about a year ago. So I'm a little late to the John Carpenter party. Anyway, last October, while going through that year's Halloween movies, I was pretty gay for Carpenter. So while in WalMart looking for five dollar movies to buy, I came across The Fog. I saw that Carpenter had directed it, I saw that Jamie Lee Curtis and Adrienne Barbeau were in it, and I saw that it was five dollars, so I purchased it. And then it sat on my DVD shelf until last week.

Now, one of the first and best things about The Fog is also one of the most fleeting. George "Buck" Flower appears in the beginning as a doomed fisherman. George "Buck" Flower is awesome. Click on his name. Look at all the movies you've seen him in. You'll say "Oh, that guy" followed by, "that guy is fucking awesome." Deny this. Try it. I defy you to declare that the late George "Buck" Flower is not awesome. 

At this point, three glasses of Francis Ford Coppola's Chardonnay in, I'm not going to even try to review The Fog. Instead, I'm going to make a point about what I think an appreciation of the movies we're going to be talking about this month does. It helps you to recognize the George "Buck" Flowers of the world, the character actors who usually play the same part, who are vaguely recognized by the general viewing public and are loved by those who love movies. They are in shitty movies, they are in great movies, they are in shitty movies that are great. They look funny, they talk funny, they usually have a single defining characteristic that gets them work (usually creepiness in various forms) and they fucking knock it out of the park every time. So that's part of what this month is about, the character actor.  

P.S. Review of The Fog: 3.5 Dead Hookers out of 5