Review: ZOMBIELAND

Zombieland is an incredibly fun zombie comedy, or "zom com" if you will. I had the opportunity to catch an advance screening this past Tuesday, and it was well worth the hour and a half wait in line.

First off, its worth noting that these are not zombies in the traditional sense. For one thing, they run. Yes, this has been done in other films, but there is a distinction made here. It's stated by the narrator that the virus that creates the zombies is an "advanced strain of Mad Cow disease that leaves victims with a swollen brain, insane, and with an intense hunger." Not once is it stated or shown in the film that anyone has risen from the dead. Therefore, we are dealing with infected people, not zombies in the Romero/Brooks sense.*

However, it must be said that in a real world situation, if one is faced with creatures that display most if not all characteristics of a monster in the popular culture lexicon, then you might name said creature after a popular monster. Thus, the infected in this film are referred to as zombies. This is actually a strength in Zombieland, in that the survivors have come to terms with their new world. By naming these creatures "zombies", they're actually establishing a sort of dominance over them, in the way that man has named all animals that he has found. Zombieland also stands out amongst other zombie/infected movies in that the "Zed word" is actually said.

This is also the first upbeat zombie film. While a comedy, like Shaun of the Dead, this film doesn't play with the same stakes. Its a bit more cartoony and doesn't have to deal with the issues of shooting your zombie mother, or leaving your best friend to die. Zombieland takes place after all of that. As I mentioned earlier, most of these characters have come to terms with the world they live in. They know that just about everyone else is dead. In the end, it celebrates the fact that these four characters have found each other, and maybe that's enough in their world.

* The risen dead that crave flesh although they have no scientific need for it, as defined by George A. Romero and Max Brooks. While straying from Romero/Brooks zombies may discourage, and even enrage my colleague in zombiology, Dr. Giacomo Kmet, I encourage him to check out this film.

Day 28: Robert Kirkman’s "The Walking Dead"

For more than eight volumes, Robert Kirkman has told the story of a band of survivors just trying to survive in his graphic novel series, “The Walking Dead.” Much like my colleague describes below in regards to George A. Romero’s movies, Kirkman succeeds in creating a world where the existence of zombies is simply the norm. But where Romero has the restraints of the MPAA, and the need to keep his movies at an R rating or less to make all of their money back, Kirkman has the freedom to take his characters, and the artists with whom he works, to almost uncharted territory in the zombie genre.

It’s true that there are only so many ways in which a zombie can devour a human, but put in the scenario that the living (as opposed to the undead) are in, the human mind seems be limitless in its possibilities to survive, and this is the territory that Kirkman treads on. And sometimes, he trespasses: killing babies, decapitating humans as bribes, fighting zombies as sport and torturing the living are just some of the devices that Kirkman’s characters employ, not just to survive, but to prove to each other that his or her life is more valuable than another’s.

“The Walking Dead” has been published monthly since 2003, and in these five years, it’s had ample time to develop its story. While early volumes certainly cast the undead as the villain, later volumes almost seldom have them making appearances, and often when they are in a scene, facing them is the preferred option to facing the other survivors. In fact, when later volumes feature killings by the zombies, those deaths almost seem like copouts.

While Kirkman hasn’t hinted that any ending is near, he’s running out of characters to kill. Perhaps upcoming volumes will return to the zombie-as-villain storyline, getting the remaining survivors out of their surrogate homes, and back on the run from the undead and the pathetically living. It might be a good turn since most of the protagonists’ character traits are almost exactly those of the other humans they’re fighting: selfish, dangerous, and mostly uncaring. But for the world in which they’re forced to live, maybe it’s not so far fetched to not have a “good guy”.

Three people that are scarier than zombies out of five.

Day 27: Night, Dawn, Day, Land, & Diary of the Dead

It is more than likely that until the day he dies, George Romero will make zombie movies that point out the ills of society. He might even continue after that, because it seems that the same problems he's been pointing out over the years: racism, classism, and consumerism among other themes.

The thing about Romero's Dead series is that the zombies aren't the bad guys. They are simply part of that world. They may not seem like anything natural, but they represent two things that are very natural, human nature and death. The walking dead can almost be considered innocent when their actions are compared to those of the survivors. The zombies are driven by one thing, the need to feast on living flesh. There is some base version of survival in their instinct. They may not need living flesh to survive, they're going to rot and decompose either way, but there is a purity in their single-mindedness.

No, the true villains of these films are those in humanity who seek more than survival in the end of the world. They come in the form of a lynch mob-like group of hillbillies in the end of Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, as well as marauding bikers in Dawn, and they are the remnants of the military-industrial complex in Day, Land and Diary of the Dead.

It's not to say that the zombies are "good guys." They simply are. Romero always presents a group of human survivors that are simply trying to live, to carry on with some sort of life as the good guys. And they inevitably come into conflict with the dregs of humanity that have survived, ultimately leading to the destruction of whatever society they have tried to restore, leaving even less people to carry on. There is never any action on the part of the zombies, they are only able to feed when the good guys and bad guys collide. In other words, humanity always brings death and destruction upon itself because it can't move past things as petty as race, religion, or material wealth.

Romero has shown us these images again and again, and in Diary of the Dead he shows how ineffective it is to simply watch these events unfold. It takes action to survive and build a better society. We can't beat death, but we can defeat those who selfishly put themselves above the greater good. It just seems that we are stuck in a pattern of watching instead of doing.

Day 17: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction

Unlike most zombie fans, I was not brought into the genre by George Romero. My zombie love started in 8th grade when I picked up a game called Resident Evil 2. It had everything: an evil corporation, a corrupt pedophile mayor, lots of crazy weapons, and most importantly, a city under siege by zombies and other biological monstrosities. This was my first real exposure to the walking dead and I was hooked. 

In 1998 when the game came out, there was a contest to win a walk on role in a Resident Evil movie. The first draft was worked on by none other than George Romero, of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead,  and Day of the Dead fame. I didn't know his films, but I knew his reputation. I figured if it was safe in anyone's hands it was him. Unfortunately, the powers that be didn't see it that way, and he was removed from the project for his script being "too close to the game." That is the biggest problem with video game and comic book movie adaptations. For some reason, the source material is almost always completely disregarded. 

The first Resident Evil  film is a very loose adaptation of the game. All it pretty much has in common is the setting, the villain: The Umbrella Corporation, and the cause of the zombies: the T-Virus. The T-Virus, in both game and film, was designed to reanimate dead cells, and was intended for use as a bio weapon. They unleash it in a city, let the residents kill each other. That's essentially what happens in the sequel, Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Now while Apocalypse does fall in line a little closer with the plots of the games Resident Evil 2 & 3, it still only incorporates a few of the characters, in minor roles. No, the biggest departure in all the films is the character of Alice, played by Milla Jovavich. Alice evolves from a normal ass kicking, zombie killing rebel against the Umbrella Corporation in the first film, to a rebellious super powered bio weapon in the second and third films. 

That's right, whereas in the games, you were a normal cop against undead hordes, in the movies, the heroine has super fast reflexes and...wait for it...telekenisis. It comes out of nowhere at the end of the second film, when Alice delivers an aneurism to a guard monitoring her. It is a true "What the Fuck?" moment. In fact, the first two films, are filled with "What the Fuck?" moments which are really jarring and keep me from fully enjoying them. 

However, when we get to the third film in the series, Extinction, that is where they embrace "What the Fuck?" They take all the best ideas from Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead(2004) like mad scientists who think they can domesticate the zombies, and convoys of armored vehicles and unleash them in a bleak, post-apocalyptic, Western America. There are hillbillies who get their kicks making people fight zombie dogs, there are zombie crows, and best of all, there are zombies unleashed by the Umbrella Corporation in matching jumpsuits. That means that some poor fuck has the job of not only corralling the zombies, but dressing them too. And these aren't just any old zombies, these are essentially zombies that have been shot up with meth. And they fuck shit up.

That is where Extinction truly succeeds. It breaks through the mediocrity of the first two films by really just fucking shit up. Not only did they amp up the action, but they also brought up the credibility of the film by incorporating some Romero-esque themes: Playing God, Everyone in Authority is an Asshole, etc. They raised the stakes by putting their characters in a world where the living are the minority, their only hope a pipe dream of an uninfected town in Alaska. Its the first film where the characters are doing more than simply trying to survive, they're struggling to want to survive. And they're not just up against zombies, but the remnants of a corporation still trying to keep its grip on a dead planet. 

Resident Evil: 2 braiiins out of 5 braiiins

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: 3 braiiins out of 5 braiins

Resident Evil: Extinction: 4 braiins out of 5 braiins

Extinction also gets a bonus 1/2 braiiins for its ending which sets up another film: Hundreds of super-powered Alice clones vs the remnants of the Umbrella Corporation and all the zombies left on the world. If it follows the pattern so far, the next one will be even better than the last.

What place does the media have in the zombie apocalypse?

When faced with the impending doom of mass death and destruction courtesy of nigh-unstoppable un-dead armies, one would hope that you could turn on your television and get useful information on stopping the zombie hoards at your door from your local newscast. However, in most cases, they only seem all too willing to help the government or corporation responsible to cover things up. 

We could go on for ages as for the why of this situation. Obviously the media is controlled by corporations, and if one of these companies is at least partly responsible for the death of millions, they're going to want to do some damage control. And if it's the government's fault, again, the media is more likely to roll over than to stand up and expose the situation. Despite the likely collapse of society and government, they still won't bet against the house. 

So, how do we make use of the media in such a situation? What good are they to us if they are going to lie, straight faced while we die? The trick is to look for the warning signs. They will never outright state that the dead are coming back to life to eat the flesh of the living. No, that's out of the question. Instead, you have to listen for rabies outbreaks, quarantines of buildings, neighborhoods or other public places, or most importantly, if Entertainment Tonight wishes a Happy Birthday to Bea Arthur on any day other than May 13th. Memorize that. If you hear Mary Hart wish a Happy Birthday to Bea Arthur on December 3rd, February 22nd, any date that is not the 13th of May, that means the zombie apocalypse is imminent. This is a code word for the media elite. It means that they have to get to their designated bunkers while look-alikes will replace them in the public eye. Now you can utilize their code as well. You won't be protected underground under 200 feet of concrete, but you'll have time to do the best you can in the situation.

Now, you may be wondering, what about the internet? Everyone's got a camera these days, won't the truth be exposed this way? Won't we be able to stop the zombie infection before it spreads? No. No we will not. It's like the boy who cried wolf times a million. The internet has given every douche out there a voice, therefore any attempts at telling any kind of "truth" can be discounted by the powers that be. There will be those that will listen, but it won't be enough to matter. 

What have we learned? That we can't trust mainstream media, and independent online media can't be relied upon to save the day either. So what can we do against the waves upon waves of the undead? If no one will believe it is happening or figure out how to effectively survive before it's too late, then what hope does anyone have? This expert zombiologist doesn't have these answers for you. I can only pose questions and hope you'll put some of this information towards your own survival.

Paul DeKams is an accredited Doctor* of Zombiology. He is sequestered away in his zombie proof compound somewhere on Long Island with enough food and bibles to get him through at least 3 zombie apocalypses...that is, if he goes easy on the bibles. 

* Witch Doctor & Scientific Doctor, to cover instances of zombies caused by the supernatural or science, respectively.